Poetry Archives

Critic John cam here to view
        Ha, ha, the viewin’ o’t!
Lindsay’s picture shop bran new,
        Ha, ha, the viewin’ o’t!
John, he cast his head fu’ high,
Looked asklent and unco’ skeigh,
Vowed he’d gar James stand abeigh:
        Ha, ha, the viewin’ o’t!

John he nayther ramps nor roars,
        Ha, ha, the viewin’ o’t!
Soft gans hame and writes in “Fors”—
        Ha, ha, the viewin’ o’t!
Writes, and wi’ ae critic-puff
Blaws James oot, like can’le snuff:
Sweers in Art he’s just a muff!
        Ha, ha, the viewin’ o’t!

Englan’ heurs and rubs her ee,
        Ha, ha, the viewin’ o’t!
“Just as I had guessed,” quo’ she:
        Ha, ha, the viewin’ o’t!
No so James. He to the Judge
Cries, “John he ca’s my noketurns ‘fudge’:
That’s a lee—spoke in a grudge.”
        Ha, ha, the viewin’ o’t!

Ca’ up Michael! Ca’ up Moore!
        Ha, ha, the viewin’ o’t!
Bring up Wills—he’s kenned before!
        Ha, ha, the viewin’ o’t!
Midmay Michael’s ta’en his stan’,
Moore and Wills say Whistler’ gran’,
Nae better work done in this lan’:
        Ha, ha, the viewin’ o’t!

Now bring Jones—let’s hear his min’:
        Ha, ha, the viewin’ o’t!
Out spake he: “Jim’s work’s rale fine,”
        Ha, ha, the viewin’ o’t!
“An’ were’t like Titian’s here or mine,
A’ this or that, I’d no decline
To say they’re rather like muneshine.”
        Ha, ha, the viewin’ o’t!

Run in Frith. Says he: “Dear me!”
        Ha, ha, the viewin’ o’t!
“For my pairt here’s nowt like me:”
        Ha, ha, the viewin’ o’t!
“Nothing is like nature here.
Where’s the detail roun’ an’ clear,
Such as in my work appear?”
       Ha, ha, the viewin’ o’t!

How it cam let lawyers tell:
        Ha, ha, the provin’ o’t!
Jury bodies luik fu’ swell:
        Ha, ha, the provin’ o’t!
“John’s no right, yet Jim’s no wrang!
Art’s made of nocht but peut an’ slang!
Half a bawbee! Hame let’s gang!”
        Ha, ha, the provin’ o’t!